


Ask A Fire Princess: One Fire Princess To Another

by HelenDamnation, StartAnotherStory



Series: Ask A Fire Princess [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender, 幻城 | Ice Fantasy (TV)
Genre: Bad Advice, F/M, Gen, canon-typical brothers, the DNA test is not optional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenDamnation/pseuds/HelenDamnation, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StartAnotherStory/pseuds/StartAnotherStory
Summary: For this week's column, Fire Princess Azula asks Fire Princess Yan Da for her advice on dating, fathers, and warfare.
Relationships: background Yan Da/Ying Kong Shi
Series: Ask A Fire Princess [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004244
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Ask A Fire Princess: One Fire Princess To Another

Dear Fire Princess

One Fire Princess to another, are you ever just sick and tired of men? I am by far the most powerful bender in the Fire Nation, an accomplished tactician and general as well as a princess, and, if I do say so myself, I’m also really hot. According to my spy network’s reports, boys apparently find me “intimidating,” “unapproachable,” “pants-wettingly terrifying,” et cetera.

But the problem is, I need to be at least twice as terrifying as the men around me to get half as much respect. My father, Fire Lord Ozai, openly wishes he had more sons, and if my useless brother were not banished for his disrespect he would still be heir even though I am vastly more suited to the role. He dismisses my capabilities on the basis of my gender, and this undermines my position with the generals.

One day I will be the Fire Lord, and I will bring glory to this great nation. I will need a husband who will help me with the day-to-day running of the household and empire, who will not seek to overthrow me and claim power for himself, and who will provide me with worthy children to inherit my throne. Also it might be kind of nice to hold hands with a boy, go out on a date, that sort of thing. You know. Normal teenage girl things. It sounds relaxing.

Do you have any advice on dating as a woman who happens to be the second most powerful person in the most powerful nation in the world? And/or advice on getting my father to see and appreciate how much of his success he owes to me?

Fire Princess Azula

Dear Fire Princess Azula,

This letter touched my heart. I live in a constant state of being sick and tired of men. The day will come when I will be the first Female King of the Fire Tribe, and I look forward to meeting you on the battlefield once both of us are in our rightful places.

I advise a very easy four-step solution to finding a boy to hold hands with. I think you will find it very relaxing indeed.

Step 1 – Orchestrate a tournament to determine a suitable husband for someone else.

This step may seem counterintuitive, but you can tell a lot about a man by how he goes about doing this. You will need the someone else to be extremely attractive but not necessarily the brightest candle in the chandelier. Any mermaid who has been raised with bafflingly patriarchal ideals will do. If you don’t have one of those, feel free to kidnap one of ours. Everyone else does. Take note of every man who acquits himself in a non-stupid manner and test his DNA. (DO NOT SKIP THE DNA TEST.) Pay particular attention to the honourable ones. They aren’t necessarily terrible but they don’t always last very long. If you find a good one you don’t want to go through the bother of finding another one when he wears out.

Make sure you fix the last fight so that a man of your choosing wins – he will need to be disposed of later, I have enclosed a number of my brothers for you to use for this purpose. Please keep the spares in case of future need.

Step 2 – Swoop in with your most impressive troops.

Give your plant a chance to organise the wedding, and make sure that all the interesting potential boyfriends on your list are in attendance. It is of course important that the other woman not be harmed. It’s not nice and, frankly, you don’t know how she’ll react. She might turn up in your city and start singing. It’s not worth the risk. So, instead of allowing the marriage to your chosen prat to go ahead, you rescue her in a flashy manner, taking the opportunity to show off your own superior skills. At this point, it is likely that a subset of the men on your interesting list will attempt to start flirting with you. Cross off any who immediately declare that they want to marry you. If they’re really persistent, try waving flowers at them. For some reason, this works. You want one who is respectful of his mum and who demonstrates important fatherly skills, like pretending to be mortal or not actually being your brother. Do that DNA test I was telling you about.

Step 3 – Execute potential assassins.

Obviously.

Step 4 – Hold hands with the most promising survivor.

Pick one. If he tries to leave, kill him. Sources in the Spirit, Ice and Healer Clans tell me that having two of them at once only leads to irritation. My research leads me to believe that playing the flute and drinking wine are excellent options for dates. Firework displays are also an option.

I hope that this simple plan will meet your needs. Let me know how you get on. Send me an owl with updates.

Fire Princess Yan Da


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